I took my first fall last week.
I don't know if it was a direct result of my disease or just plain ol' clumsiness, but I do know that there are undoubtedly other falls to come. I know, too, that my difficulty in getting up was directly linked to ALS -- and it wasn't pretty.
It was late at night, and I had gone out onto the front porch for a moment. When coming back in, the darned doorsill jumped up and grabbed my slipper -- and down I went like a ton of bricks. It was a thoroughly graceless three-point landing: left knee, left shoulder and face. The dogs went off like Timmy in the well, and there I was, butt in the air, down on the tiles, feet still out the door, completely unable to move.
It was not a sensation of paralysis -- I knew all my parts were there and working. It was as if I forgot how they worked. Which way do my knees bend? How do I get my arm our from under me? I was totally disoriented and, for several too-long minutes, not connected to my body.
Finally, I was able to roll onto my side, get my legs under me and, eventually, get up. It took a long time. It seemed longer. Seemed longer still to Scott, roused from sleep, his offers of help refused.
I had to do it myself. I couldn't accept help, as much as I wanted to. I needed to figure out for myself how to extricate myself from a difficult (at best) situation, when one arm -- the one that was free, of course, and not folded uselessly under my body -- does not work, even at the best of times.
Because, like I said, there are undoubtedly more falls to come. My diagnostic testing showed that ALS had not yet effected my legs or feet; that, sooner or later, is sure to change. And as it changes, I may trip more easily, be less steady, and -- eventually, probably -- be unable to walk at all.
For now, though, I will consider this fall a fluke and, looking for that silver lining, good practice Plus, I may have gone down, I may have looked like a fool slithering around trying to get up... but I didn't spill a drop out of the glass of milk I was carying.
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One really good, super-duper, A-plus thing that happened on The Day of the Fall was that I got a hug. By mail. From a good friend and former co-worker. Yes, a real mail hug: "1, Press card on face. 2, Apply pressure on left and right cheeks. 3, Think about how special you are to so many people."
Thank you, Joan. You are very special! That card and your kind note meant more than I can say.
